Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Two more jokes from Jack in Rochdale.............

An American tourist goes on a trip to China.
While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his "tool" covered with bright green and purple freckles.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days.

The man returns a couple of days and the doctor says "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

The man looks a little perplexed and says "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc".

The doctor answers "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your "tool".

The man screams in horror "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".

The doctor replies "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his tool and proclaims"Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease".

The guy says to the doctor "Yeah yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my tool?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. They make more money that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh Thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes" says the Chinese doctor "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money"

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks.

While they'resitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink.The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him.

The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains."First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the limejuice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant.

He thinks - this is OK.

Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it....

In one second the sharp lime taste hits....

At two seconds the Baileys curdles ....

At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.

This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus,what do you call that drink?"

She smiles widely at him and says,

Wait for it

It's so worth it

"Blow Job Revenge"

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John Hutchyns Tyndall   14 July 1934 – 19 July 2005 The above picture was taken just prior to  concerted vicious left wing attacks ...